coaches corner

self-talk for children: conquer stinking thinking!

If you hear a voice within you saying, you are not a painter, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. Vincent Van Gogh Some may ask; what is that little voice speaking yet so loudly? The voice in your head is referred to as Self Talk. Self talk deals with the positive and negative communication that makes up our inner conversation of thoughts. As parents, we have the opportunity to support our children in silencing the negative self-talk. We must encourage, instill, and continuously remind our children regarding the importance of positive self-talk.

Without positive self-talk, our children may resort to negative self talk, contributing to harsh questions or statements including, but not limited to the following: I’m not smart enough to pass math class; I will never get a good score on the ACT test; or what college will accept these grades? Simply put, negative self talk is just stinking thinking! Stinking thinking results in low self esteem in return leading to social withdrawal, lack of social skills & self confidence, and being reluctant to take on challenges. The numbers are rather alarming regarding this long laundry list of unconstructive characteristics that stem from low self esteem. These three are specifically mentioned due to their critical nature to not only be taught earlier on, but to understand their importance. Consider the importance of these skills in being critical for your child to successfully navigate not only in the classroom but for the rest of their lives. What is your child thinking? Did you realize that there are 86,400 seconds in a 24 hour day, & according to experts in Psychology humans have a different thought every 1.2 seconds? During the day, how is your child processing such rapid thoughts? Parents we must educate ourselves on the realities facing our children day-to-day. Most importantly we must equip our children to deal accordingly. Please allow the below to serve in encouraging and empowering you as a parent or care taker to utilize the below tools in equipping our children to go to war. The continuous war against stinking thinking! After implementing these tools the war to battle and conquer stinking thinking on your child’s mental playground will serve as valuable life skills.

Whether we care to admit it or not, as parents we lead by example in displaying negative or positive self talk. Which of the two are you consciously or sub-consciously promoting? Positive self talk can transform attitudes from hopelessness to hopeful! This transformation then fuels them by supplying the necessary level of determination & endurance. Reported studies have shown that more kid’s who repeat good things about themselves to themselves, followed by the actual belief of positive self talk then serves as a guide to automatically incorporate those positive feelings that go along with them. These tools serve as a powerful reminder of continuous optimism in place of negativity during unpleasant situations. From this day forward let us serve in a united crusade to conquer stinking thinking for your child and mine!

Five Steps to Conquer Stinking Thinking:
1. Observation & Acknowledgement – work on catching those negative comments your child periodically makes then ne sure to turn it into a positive experience revealing the false negative thought. For example, if your child misses a shot while playing basketball they may think, "I am so bad at basketball. I should just quit playing." The child must learn to replace that negative with a positive like, "I may have missed the shot, but I will practice harder and next time I will make that shot.” Be mindful to acknowledge & remind them of your own personal observations such as, “I’m proud to see you taking the initiative to stay after school and practice your jump shot-Good Work!”

2. Self Awareness – Teach your child to hear themselves and recognize the importance of eliminating harsh words in their own minds. It then becomes about teaching the child self awareness and control too. For example, limit the use of unkind words like “I hate or I can’t” such unforgiving words invite more negative connotations than necessary into your child’s life. A mental alert then begins to alarm them at the onsite of their insensitive words to then pause and allow the “red light” to flash and immediately stop this behavior.

3. Hopeful vs. Hopeless (Perception) – “Is the glass half empty or half full?” Meaning that a particular situation could be cause to be Hopeful (half full) or Hopeless (half empty) in teaching them to look for the opportunity in every situation.

4. Positive Affirmations - positive self-affirming statements serve as an important self-empowerment tool. For example, “I love myself unconditionally” & “I feel good about myself and my surroundings” are just a couple to introduce to your child. Allow them to create their own with your guidance which serves to create a greater bond.

5. Adopt a Positive Attitude - is vital in a world ever-increasing in negativity and hopelessness. Adopting a positive attitude allows you & your child to focus on all the good life has to offer instead of dwelling on the negative. Parents can help children in developing positive attitudes on the road to facing obstacles as they grow up. A positive attitude is shaped and nourished through positive self talk. Teach your child to avoid saying, "I can't” as this statement makes your child feel badly about themselves & worst of all inadequate. Instead adopt an attitude of I can which builds healthy self esteem and confidence and crushes the “I can’t” thoughts.

Positive self talk will not only help your child to embrace and love their individuality, at the same time, it allows them to accept and deal with the world happening around them. Enabling them to live a happier life by exuding their own power to control their inner voice provides a very liberating experience for both parent and child.

Good luck, and without a shadow of a doubt you can do this. You can do it because you are an amazing parent. And no one knows this better than you. Continue to practice positive self talk with your child throughout their life and remember to lead by example in all you do as we are more than a conqueror!

If you have any questions, or would like to further discuss this topic, drop Da-Nay a line by clicking here.

For more on Da-Nay Macklin, click here.

NOTE: We are proud to announce that for the entire month of May, S.C. Fitch Enterprises, and all of its affiliates including Amateur Sports News Network, ASNN365.com, and Amateur Sports Gallery will be honoring May as National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month. This Campaign was founded in 1996 to work exclusively on decreasing teen pregnancy in America, and at the outset challenged the nation to reduce the teen pregnancy rate. Unplanned pregnancy is at the root of a number of important public health and social challenges. Click here for more information.

Here is your opportunity to stop hating the media and actually become it!

We are always looking for additional personnel. Click here if you are interested. If you would like to submit a story, score, stats, or even photos, click here.